Brain Explosions

Μερικές φορές αναρωτιέμαι γιατί μερικοί άνθρωποι befriend ακόμη και εγώ. Με όλα ζητούν για με να κάνουν αυτοί ακούνε ακόμη και τις απαντήσεις; Μισώ πότε οι άνθρωποι κάνουν τις υποθέσεις και με αποφεύγουν βασισμένο σε τους. Μισώ επίσης να αγνοηθώ. Ο πιό χειρότερα του όλου μισώ τις υποσχέσεις ή τις υποχρεώσεις που δεν κρατιούνται. Επιθυμώ να παίξω τόσο όσο και το επόμενο πρόσωπο. Δεν σημαίνει ότι δεν καταλαβαίνω πότε κάποιος δεν θέλει. . Ακριβώς πέστε έτσι. Τι μπορώ να κάνω; OH ξέρω. .attack μέσω του καλωδίου. OMFG. Πραγματικά οι άνθρωποι, παίρνουν μια ένδειξη Δεν είμαι αυτός εξαρτώμενος από το παιχνίδι. Είναι διασκέδαση που είναι όλη. Επιθυμώ έναν τρόπο να κάνω τους χαρακτήρες μου να έρθουν στη ζωή. Ίσως θα τους τραβήξω απλά πίσω και θα αφήσω να συνεχίσουν χωρίς με. Τελικά. Με δεν λείπουν ακόμη και. Το OH καλά καλύτερα αυξάνεται uo τώρα.

Sacrifice Needed: My volcano is erupting!

The descent into darkness is so subtle, so quick. By the time it is noticed, salvation is nothing but a distant long-forgotten dream. Wishes of pain become normal and the yearning for blood becomes the true dream. The darkenss so thick, day runs into night into day and the rabid monster never knows the difference....never cares. Survival no longer matters. Rending..only pain. Tearing..only blood. Screaming...only rage. Maelstrom...the cycle never ends so there is never a beginning again.

Well Operation Purgatory is nearly over. We made it cross country safely but punishment continues. We have moved from place to place until we finally setteled in an extended stay hotel. We have to wait a month until the housing is ready. So two more weeks yet. I get to move in the day before my anniversary. Wonderful. I am pleased about the house we've been assigned though. It's pretty big with a basement for my Lair. FInally I will have dedicated space for my dolls and my crafting and my sewing. I will also have space for my costumes and loli gear-to-be. Peach Country...great.

So loud the silence as it beats at my soul.
How full the day is from down in my hole.
Waiting for the world out there to notice.
Someone to lean over and offer me bliss.

It o dark thirty as we say in my unit and I can't sleep. I've been up since 4 o'clock yesterday mornng and can't seem to sleep. I've washed and hung clothes, finishe a couple outfits for my dolls and started a few more. I helped my daughter with her hair and folded the dry laundry. I look around the living/dining room and realise there is still so much to do. I'm not a slovenly person by nature, but I'm overwhelmed and I need help. Unfortunatelyy my kids are asleep and so is my husband. Even if he were awake I wouldn't ask him for help because then we argue. He always complains about not being a housemaid.....like I am? He goes into there's too much stuff, get rid of it all. Eventually he moves on to the kids and his not being a nanny and why won't they grow up. I listen until I can't take anymre and then I yell. No I'm not a silent person until I'm close to losing my temper. Only then do I become completely silent. I want to hit him then but I can't I never hit people first only objects. Then the mess is back and I have to clean up all over again. I have to be up in nearly 2 hours . What the hell am I going to do?
I still can't sleep/

Today is my youngest boy's 5th birthday. What a day! I stayed up all night cleaning up all my sewing so that I didn't get it all crapped up with cake. Then I got the kids up and off to school then spent the day running errands. Glad I took my meds ahead of time. I ordered the pizza etc an hour before school was out. It arrived just as the last bell of the day rang. In one shot all the food was ready. I finished up the decorations by blowing up balloons until I was Dizzy and stapling everything up on the walls. I put the birds in the back yard and decorated Resin Dreams to match. As Soon as the boys came in I had them change out of their uniforms and the fun began as their friends began to arrive. My daughter arrived home from school and took over the games and I ran the music and the background operations. A great deal of fun was had by all. I think they had the most fun with the cake. We put self-lighting candles on the cake. Everytime he blew them out the relit themselves. We never laughed so hard. All in all my son had a great time and so did his siblings and friends. Even my Resin Dreams crew got into the spirit of things as they celebrated Kaisen ( Sen's was two days ago but he decided to wait and Party with Yahiko) and Kagetsuya's birthdays( Suya's is tomorrow but he's away visiting. My crew uses any excuse to party), and the births of Tai'an and Si'or's twins and Chihaya's and Fubuki's daughter. They had a blast. As soon as I can upload I will update this post with pics of my Resin crew partying it up. Maybe even a short pic story. Maybe. Right now I can return to my sickbed and hope to be stronger again by Sunday because I want to go to tea.

There's nothing like taking out all frustrations in the kitchen. Pound the hate in. Squish the evil out. Roll the debates over, then leave it and wait. When the problem rises, punch it in the face and cut it down to size. Beat it up a little more, throw it in a box and put it on the back burner for about two hours. When it's all done, cut it down to size lather it up and serve. Hot or cold, fresh can't be beat. Nearly as good as revenge.

Leaning on the counter staring at the computer screen. Insatiable....I was listening as I wrote.....didn't hear him coming. His arm slid around me as he molded himself to the back of me. His lips skated along the back of my neck as he loosened my braid. Hair falls everywhere as he slides a hand between my knees and rakes his nails up the inside of my thigh....pressing himself against me...hips grinding. Insatiable...the hand reaches....cups...a finger slides home. The other hand reaches around to capture my face...turns my head..the flame of his hair....lips meet...I am devoured...the world forgotten....we slide to the floor.

He is a handsome boy...in a distinctly human way. The black hair, the green eyes and that innocent smile on one such as he. His voice rumbles over us from the screen above and she shivers in delight. I am content however. It is my presence she sought and demanded. It was me that she wanted next to her. It was my hand she sought in the dark, and my shoulder she hid her face in when fright took her. It was my hair and skin she stroked unconsciously as she watched the images flicker before us......my warmth she was drawn to.
And when she leaned over, it was my mouth she pressed those honeyed lips to. My world burst into bright balls of flames and showers of stars when she whispered "I love you" and called my true name. I feel the flames of my desire lick along my veins and they consume me as I feel her mark begin to form. I bide my time and wait as everything I have ever wanted comes to fruition before a flickering screen. I watch carefully as my soulmark slowly breaks in half and fall from her finger, then burn itself deeply into her heart. She is mine now. Eternity would be too soon for me to ever let her go.
So Harry Potter I am not afraid of you.

I had to try it. The models are so sexy to me.

It's sunk, and faded....the darkness closed in
Everything I loved has come to an end
The world I created...it took so much time
The care and the nurture....singularly mine
But I let them get to me, the damage was done
I've lost my people....one by one
I can't feel any more....inspiration disappearing
Their voices are nearly beyond my hearing
My heart's shutting down....how slowly it beats
My body is tired...I no longer eat
My spirit is broken....my will...long gone
I close my eyes......
My life is done.

Recently I was sent a link to a thread on DOD. It was about one of my posts on DOA. All I can say is ouch people. that hurt. They make comments like that and not one of them have been to my home. Then they insult my dolls as well. I would have signed up simply to vent but why bother. I can vent here instead. Normamlly I would withdraw into myself and bottle, but I can't this time. I mean these people who have never known me or been to my home, criticise my cleanliness like they have true knowledge. I guess living in NYC and other foreign places gives them insight into my home. and whom I am. I've decided to pull away for a while. I have my move and everything to deal with so I'll put that on the back burner for now. I feel better now.

Ok. I'm still ranting and venting. I previously mentioned that my home has been sold out from under me. what I failed to mention is that this is the second time it has happened. When we moved in we had a young couple for landlorsd. Then one day we were introduced to someone new and told he'd just bought the palce. He was going to be our new landlord. Well now it's 21/2 years later and it happens again. The new catch is that we have to move as I said before.
New irritation. we now have 45 days to leave but here comes the possible new buyers family, without warning I might add, wanting to look att the place. I have everything in an uproar and i'm looking at the mess and wondering what plan G-d has for my temper now. I mean, just because they're buying the house doesn't mean that htey have they right to invade our privacy at a moment's notice. I was so embarrassed. I never let anyone past my front door when the house is a mess. I hate having visitors at such a time. More than that I hate people showing up at my door without warning. I guess they feel that they have the right to do so now. I need to call the realtor and my current lndlord and ask that they give warning so long as we live in the house. We're going to be packing and whatnot and I don't want the invasion of privacy. God my husband wasn't even dressed at the time and I felt obligated to let them in. They were spending more time looking at my husband's pictures than looking at the house. Their quick look around lasted nearly 30 minutes. I deliberately forgot everything my mother taught me about hospitality and waited for them to get the hint and leave.
We've decided to try to move as soon as possible if we get a new place soon. I mean begin immediately after the agreement is signed.
I'm not going to tolerate them trying to intimidate us or constantly invade our privacy like that.

Well shit happens they say. My landlord sold the house. It's not like I didn't know but he led us to believe he was selling to other potential landlords only. He sold to a private family and they intend to move in. We've got 45 days to find a new place to live. Man I hate deception but it's a part of human nature. I'm no more free of it than anyone else.. If deception is my intent though I try to avoid it by saying nothing at all. If I don't say anything I can't lie right? Not. People call that a lie by ommission. Well you damned if you do and you'r e damned if you don't.
All this means for us is that we have to set all our wants aside for a while amd may have to break committments made. I've had to bend a few of mine so far. I'm upset. Sad and angry at the same time. I hate change a lot of the time. I hate moving too. My husband may have found a nice place already though. He's been trying to get me to look at it but I've been putting him off.
Still in the general area but closer to the kids' schools. If we get the place, we lose a room but everything else is nearly the same. I can't complain too much about that.
Dammit, at the rate we're going I might be back in the sandbox again soon. Returning to full active duty might be the only way to fully take care of my family. It's not like my hubby isn't providing, I think it's too much on his shoulders right now. I was waiting for the baby to reach 1st grade before such a big change but I may not have a choice soon.
I've been busy making arrangements for my dolls becausse I won't put them in storage. I don't trust storage centers. I've lost too many other things in those places to theft. This time I'm sending my dolls to the homes of their respective mates for the summer and keepping my LE with me. I'm on temporary active duty this summerand sailing most of the time so He will travel with me.my other dolls have people to visit and official mattere to tend to.

That's pretty much how I feel right now. I woke up on Friday morning feeling like someone was sitting on my chest beating my face in. The sneezing started after that and lasted all day. By the time my husband got home from work, I was on my back for good. He'd scarecely walked through the door and I was out like a light. I've been up and down like that all weekend because I really have no choice. While he's gone I have to take care of the kids. They're independent enough but not completely. I've had to push my dolls' wedding back a few days because I can't drive with the medication in my system.

I'm bad at this so bear with me. I want to have a bridal shower for Tai'an. My problem is that I only have one other female in the house, Fubuki, my daughter's doll. I wanted to borrow a couple female dolls but better things came up. A couple of us bandied about a few ideas for a meet after the doll panel at the Kawaii Kon. This is what we came up with: After the doll panel we could go to Islands in Ala Moana for Dinner around 6pm. Maybe we could all meet at the Hotel at 6pm and move on from there. We could set up for a quick shower shoot, and enjoy a meal and good conversation at the same time. I have some food props and if anyone else wanted to bring their own that would be cool too. The shower is not only for female dolls but the more female the better. Size is not a problem. The guys will be having their own thing later. Oh and gifts are not required or really needed. This is more for the girl talk. Drop me a comment and tell me what you think.

Betty I need to ask you a BIG favor( doll related). Please call me 554-8038 (Cell).

Tai'an'a wedding gown is done. I was going to wait but I'm going to share. This took me six months of beading and off and on sewing. Thanks for looking.
http://s41.photobucket.com/albums/e297/rosewarrior/smex/?action=view¤t=1176183331.pbw

I've built a three-man team of model out of my Shades of Darkness. I'd like to share their debut as a team
http://s41.photobucket.com/albums/e297/rosewarrior/black%20russian/?action=view¤t=1175570629.pbw